Many people who suffer emotional issues, mood disorders and mental illness will know what it feels like to consider death to be an escape from the pain, the emptiness and the harshness of life. As I always say that if you are feeling suicidal then get help immediately! However there’s a difference between being suicidal and having daily struggles to understand why you are living.
Having dysthymia makes it very difficult for me to be happy with life every day. I often think I’d be better off dead. I know this isn’t a healthy thought process and sometimes I’m not living for myself. I bring this up because I often see things online telling people to live for themselves and nobody else. Do this, that and the other for yourself and never for anyone else.
But the thing is if you are being kept alive because you have a responsibility to your wife, husband, mother, father, child, dog, pet lizard etc. then that is a good thing! Sometimes in depressive moods we can feel there is nothing for us. And in these times I know it is other people and my own dreams that keep my alive.
I couldn’t kill myself and have my parents find me, I couldn’t do that to them, no matter how much it means I must suffer. I have a dog that would never understand why I abandoned him. I have dreams that I know I would be even more hurt and angered by if I didn’t give it my all to achieve them. I know deep down in myself that my dreams are all achievable, mostly they revolve around extensive travelling. However sometimes on my dark days those dreams can be difficult to keep in my vision because they are far away from here.
So on those days it is external reasons that get me out of bed, external reasons why I keep on living. And that’s okay! I’ve heard from friends that they live only for their dog, cat, pet lizard, to see the football match on a Saturday etc. Life is complex and not every moment of your life will make it possible to live for you and be self fulfilled. Even guru’s have breakdowns. Even yogis have days in which road rage gets the best of them. I saw a nun once flip off another driver after she hit him!
So don’t listen to everyone online that says live for you and nobody else because sometimes when you are ill you only have external reasons to get out of bed, get washed, get dressed or even stay alive. Whatever keeps you alive is what you do.
As long as you are alive the best day of your life could be tomorrow